I Should've kissed you
by MissMarie27
Summary: Dean's an Idiot for letting Cas leave, he knows this. He also knows that when Cas comes back home, He'll never let him walk out that door again. Just a little drabble oneshot Inspired by a 1D song, set in season 9, Destiel.


**Author's Notes:** Hello all, the names Marie and this is my first attempt at a Supernatural slash and a Destiel one at that. I've been a part of the fandom for a while now and I finally grew a pair and decided to write my first little songfic drabble. I'm not really sure why I chose this song and in reality it's not really a songfic as it's a plot bunny. I haven't written anything since 2009! and it's un beta'd so I apologize for any mistakes.

**Title:** I Should've Kissed You

**Rating:** M, for swearing.

**Pairing: **Destiel, if you haven't realized that from the summery.

**Warnings:** swearing, kissing, an slight chick flick moment.

"Shit..."

Dean sprang up in his bed, in a cold sweat. He ran his hands over his face and though his hair.

"seriously?" he questioned as he looked at the clock.

3:27am.

It was the third time this week, he's waken up in the middle of the night. His thoughts plagueing him, and that face, those eyes.

Everything would be so much easier if this was all a dream. If Cas never walked out of that door, if Dean didn't let him leave.

Dean pulled on a old pair of sweatpants and padded his way out of his bed room and into the kitchen, the cold in the air made him question if he should've grabbed a hoodie, as he grabbed a beer out of the fridge.

Sam was sleeping or at least tucked up in his room, doing God knows what. He had all this energy and didn't require that much sleep with Zeke taking hold up in his body.

Fucking Zeke, this was his fault really, or maybe it was Dean's for once again picking his brothers safety over what his heart wanted. But everyone knew, without a doubt Sam comes first before anything. Why can't Dean be selfish once in a while?.

Startled out of his thoughts, Dean came back to reality as his cell beeped. Who would be texting him at this hour?

Fuck.

Cas.

Dean looked at the message, he didn't know if he wanted to cry, smile or punch someone.

_"I am with Garth for the time being, I've manged to elude a few angels on my way here. I'm safe, as safe as I can be while I'm useless. I find that i'm longing for your company, I want to come 'home' "_

Dean closed his eyes and sighed, Keeping Cas away from him and Sam, keeping Cas away from himself was so fucking frustrating.

_"Garth's a good friend, stay with him as long as you can. I'm glad you're safe, and Cas you are not useless, not at all man. Me and Sam are working on getting the computers to detect angel activity. When it's done, Cas you can come home. I miss you too"_

"Fuckk.." Dean was going to start losing his hair if he didn't stop tugging on it.

"What do you mean I can't stay here Dean?" Cas' face was heartbreaking.

Those intense blues where so full of hurt and confusion, Dean hated that look.

Then of course Cas had to understand and be the bigger person when Dean explained the whole Zeke situation and the ultimatum he gave.

He understood that Dean didn't want him to go, but that he was stuck between a rock and a hard place, So he left. Even tho Dean knew he was hurting, freshly human and wise beyond anyone's years didn't mean that emotions didn't effect Cas.

Crowley. The smug son of a bitch that he was, how he knew what was going on in his head, Dean would never know.

"Did you kiss your boyfriend goodbye as you made him leave? the angel you barley know, told you what to do? Why I'd never thought I'd see the day Dean Winchester took orders from a feather head."

That earned crowley a stab to the stomach. It wasn't the fact that Crowley called him out on the fact that Dean told Cas to leave, that haunted him. It was the 'kissed him goodbye' line.

That look when he told Cas he had to go, That look when Cas said he understood, The pause at the end of the hug when Cas was leaving. Dean knew what he wanted and he knew he should've kissed him.

But Damn it, Dean's not gay, at least not gay for anyone besides Castiel. Can you even be gay for an angel or former angel in the body of a man? Dean didn't know, he just knew that the way he felt for Cas was haunting him. And low and behold turning his mind into a fucking chick flick moment.

The next few weeks when Dean would leave the bunker, his subconscious would always look for Cas, what if he was in town, just waiting for the word to come home? But Cas wasn't like that. He'd wait and he'd fight and he'd move to keep safe, He knew Zeke brought him back to life after April stabbed him, Dean knew that Cas wouldn't jeopardize his life again. He'd fight with everything he had, in his new completely human body.

But God damn, didn't Dean think about him every single day. Not to mention the fact that Cas texted him less, and even stopped saying that he 'missed' Dean. It had Dean freaking out at the fact that Cas could've found a girl or guy that he wanted to be with instead of with him. Dean really didn't want to think if Cas was already having sex with someone else. He was stupid jealous at the fact that Cas already had sex, He rather of had it been with Meg, then with that cunning evil bitch April. All right he thought Cas' first time should have been with him, but his mind gets a little too freaked out at the thought of sleeping with another man, so far.

Dean knows he's an idiot, he knows he chalk full of flaws and he knows he's being a dick for snapping at Sam and being a crabby asshole, Dean knows he's one stupid son of a bitch. He can't help it, he makes mistakes, he lies to the people he cares about to protect the, and he lies to him self about what he deserves and what he wants because of the life that he leads. He knows he's the biggest idiot on the planet right now, and that Cas is a bit of an idiot too if he returns Dean's feelings without at least kicking his ass first.

Two more weeks, one month since Cas left and Dean let him walk out the door.

One month of regretting, of self hating, of drinking to much, of depressed chick flick feelings, of not sleeping right. Seeing his angel (Cas will always be his angel damn it) every time he closed his eyes at night. Then Sam said those wonderful words, even if he was a bitch for throwing in that line. A bitch that was the best younger brother ever.

"Dean, it's finished. We can detect any angel activity headed for here with in miles. We'll have plenty of time to protect this place, no unwanted angel is getting in here. So go call Cas and tell him he can come back and when you go get him if you don't kiss him and tell him how sorry you are and how much you missed him, I'm going to kick you fucking ass. You're an idiot you know that?"

Bitch and jerk where exchanged. as where manly brother hugs, ok, not that manly, Dean may have thanked Sammy a little too much.

His heart was pounding. His palms where sweaty and Dean keep pacing back and forth in the garage as the phone dialed. Why was he acting like a freaking girl so much?

_"Cas?! Hey man yeah it's me... um Cas where are you?... Ok ok, good not too far... look Cas, Cas it's time to come home... It's finished, you're safe here now man... I'm happy too... I'll be there by tonight... get your shit ready, I'll see you soon."_

Dean never drove as fast as he did that evening (well unless he was being tailed by something). He was freaking out, He was happy as a fucking clam he never wanted a beer while driving so badly. Metallica didn't even calm his nerves, and as he reached the motel Cas had a room in 6 hours away. He was back to being normal, cool, sure of himself Dean Winchester. The fear, the nervousness was gone, Thank God.

When he laid his eyes on those bright blue orbs and that huge real human smile on Cas' lips as he pulled Dean into the biggest hug Cas had ever probably have given. Dean put just enough space between them as he held Cas' face in his hands. (It always started with face touching)

"I'm never letting you go again Cas, Zeke and whoever else can go fuck themselves, Sam will understand"

With that he did what he should've done years ago really, Dean finally kissed Castiel. it wasn't perfect, it was a little too aggressive, a bit to needy but it was real, and it was, well it was love and it was he biggest chick flick moment of Dean Winchesters life, and he could live with that.

**Author's Notes 2:** Ok! so there you go I really hope it wasn't that bad, and I tried to stay in canon and in character for you guys. It's short too I know but that's because it's a drabble. I hopefully will be posting more stuff as time goes by, I need to get my mojo back, it's been years. Hope you enjoyed it.

Marie


End file.
